The Profile Of A Champion: Winning Circle

The secrets to life are often hidden behind the word cliché.

One in particular, get’s a lot of attention, yet, is rarely put into practice. Jim Rohn, one of the worlds all time greatest business philosophers, famously said,

“You become the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

Commonly referred to as a cliché, this profound truth is common sense, yet uncommon in practice. In fact, it’s validity is so clear, the maxim has been communicated throughout history.

“Birds of a feather flock together.”

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“If you lay down with dogs, you’ll wake up with fleas.”

If it’s sheer restatement and repetition in literature wasn’t enough to get your attention, maybe a few definite examples will.

Think about Michael Jackson. Michael had talent. Michael was born with greatness. Up until, twelve he was seen as just a cute kid. It wasn’t until he met Quincey Jones, when he upgraded his circle of influence, that things started to explode for him! He went to a whole other level. Together they released “Off The Wall”, “Thriller”, Beat It”. Michael went from a cute little kid to a musical icon. He went to a whole other stratosphere by connecting with just one person!

Think about the 07-08 Boston Celtics. Prior to that season, the Celtics hadn’t won an NBA championship since 1986. In 2007 however, the Celtics traded for both Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett. With Paul Pierce already in the Celtics lineup, Boston now had three all-star players on the floor. Individually, Paul Pierce was doing it, Ray Allen was doing it, and Kevin Garnett was doing it. But when they came together, they became champions. When they came together, they were unstoppable.

I could go on and on because I’ve researched it. When I was sixteen and depressed, the first thing I needed to do was change was my circle. That’s why I’m so proud to be part of the 2017 Cohort for Venture For Canada. I’m constantly being exposed to young professionals that are like minded. Who are focused on growth, focused on making an impact, and most importantly continue to stretch me to be a better version of myself.

One fellow in particular, is an obvious by-product of a winning environment. Every conversation we have is filled with wisdom far beyond his years. He’s someone that, wether he knows it or not, I look up to as a mentor. He reminds me everyday of the importance of having a Winning Circle. And I know his story will inspire you to start to create a Winning Circle of your own!

John Connell headshot for blog

A proud Nova Scotian, John Connell, is a fellow with Venture for Canada, SDR at Fiix, Volunteer at TechTo, Freelance Guitarist (he’s incredible), and recent graduate from York University. This eclectic background is a result of endless curiosity, paired with the exposure to a winning network of friends and family. Today John has experience the influence, and the corresponding effects, that come with both a Winning and a Toxic Circle. Here’s how you can identify both.

Growing up in Middleton, Nova Scotia, John was exposed to a tightly knit network of people that were connected through deep and encouraging relationships. Whether it was in his backyard, across the street, or at school, Middleton had a team mentality that left an impact on John to this day. He recalled that when you were feeling down, there was always someone there to pick you up. Everyone in the community was expressive, supportive and accountable.

That environment, the Winning Circle, was the perfect playing ground for developing leaders. In High School, John was challenged to be constantly moving, to always have a goal he was striving for, and to push beyond what seemed reasonable or comfortable at the time. This is an indicator of a true Winning Circle. You won’t always accomplish your goals and you won’t always win in your pursuits, but, when you fall, you will always be supported. You’ll always have your community to lean on in times of difficulty.

With the support of his friends, family, and community, John went on to become the captain of both his schools Rugby and Hockey teams. Again, John was exposed to the attitudes, attributes and aspirations that make up the Profile of a Champion. In his three years playing for his school John skated alongside teammates who went on to compete at the Jr. A and QMJHL level of hockey. John was amongst winners. And in the presence of winners John was forced to step up. Sitting on the porch of his apartment, he told me that he was never the best player. He didn’t skate the fastest, he didn’t shoot the hardest, he didn’t have skills people were awestruck by. But, because of his circle, he was forced to work harder. He was stretched. He was pushed and forced to grow. By skating with players that were better than him he had to step up and go from average to great.

That’s how you know if you’re in a winning circle! Do the family, friends, teams, or colleagues that you surround yourself with force you to grow? Do they demand a higher level of execution you’ve ever been exposed to? Do they accept average? Or, are they striving for greatness? In my experience it’s worth auditing the quality of your circles. Do they remind you of the Winning Circle we’ve described above? Or does it look more like this…

John and I have similar stories. From eight to thirteen I was competing for Canada in Gymnastics and Trampoline. I was exposed to greatness. I was exposed to the work ethic, attitudes, and execution of world class athletes. However, when I graduated elementary school and transitioned to High School I quit training twenty-five hours a week in order to have a social life. I lost the ever present  example of greatness in my life. In fact, like most people I see today battling depression and mental illness, I went on to choose the wrong circle. I chose a circle that had no direction, abused drugs, and skipped class. Looking back I’m not surprised at the negative, downward spiral my life took. And after speaking to John, I’m not surprised in the direction his life took either.

John shared with me that when he went to university, he lost his mojo. He lost the zest for life he felt when he was surrounded by winners. Without clear intention, John walked into his new school, new town, and new network. Unfortunately, more often than not, when you’re not intentional about your environment and who you decide to surround yourself with, you connect with the wrong group. You miss out on the circle that is aspiring towards big goals and accomplishing their dreams. You miss out on those that are intentional about their time on this planet. The group that by being in their presence you too will become more clear with your own direction.

That feeling of lack of purpose, or when you can’t quite put your finger on why you’re not feeling 100%, I attribute to being engaged in the wrong environment. John’s challenge is that he wasn’t necessarily in a toxic circle, he was in an average circle. They weren’t all negative, they weren’t all doing drugs, and they weren’t all directionless. They were average. Average is such a monstrous contrast from greatness. You get different feelings when you’re surrounded by winners. You hear different language when you’re surrounded by winners. You see different actions when you’re surrounded by winners.

Being surrounded by average can be even more dangerous than being surrounded by toxicity. With toxicity you can see, feel, and taste it. You’re conscious about it’s effects on you! With average… It’s effects are subtle. You find yourself wondering why you’re not feeling passionate and why you’re not winning. John didn’t know why he lost his mojo until he once again was exposed to greatness.

He didn’t find a way to feel positive, enthusiastic, and at the top of his game consistently until he met his now girlfriend, who helped him rebound from a difficult time. It was through their association and teamwork that they were able to pull the best out of each other. This close connection with a supportive and encouraging partner brought the winner back out of John. Her support helped pick him back up to the point where he started to get his mojo back. John was always a winner, he always had the attitude of a champion, but as John said better than I ever could,

“The champion needs desire, with the right support. You need to drive the ship, but  you can’t always pick yourself up on the grace of your own strength.” – John Connell

The more I get to know John, the more I’m proud to call him a mentor and a friend. In my opinion he epitomizes the Profile of a Champion. He has the attitude of a champion, the curiosity of a champion, the work ethic of a champion and most importantly he understands the criticality of surrounding himself with other champions.

As you reflect on your circle of influence, no matter where you are today, I know that you could be just like John, you could be one person away from becoming the best version of yourself. Or maybe you’re like me. Maybe you need two, three, or a whole community of people to support you. What really matters is that you can identify what type of community you’re being influenced by. Wether they’re winners or average, both will impact you through expectations and exposure.

In winning circles you’re expected to be a winner. The expectation is greatness. The expectation is that you’ll be a champion. The challenge with average circles is that when you’re good, you’re okay with being just good. When your environment is average, you start to believe you’re great. You can quickly become delusional because the expectations are low.

When you’re in a winning circle, all you’ve been exposed to is winning. All you see is great, so all you know is great. Exposure to greatness, winners, and champions will give you no choice but to step into your own greatness. Your environment is everything!

You don’t need a new brain or a new heat to change your life. The day your circle of influence changes, everything will change. You can only go so far by yourself and you can only get so far with the people you’re hanging with. If you surround yourself with winners, you’ll become a winner. If you surround yourself with losers you’ll become a loser. If you can change your circle of influence, you can change your money, your attitude, and your destiny. I dare you to take your life to the next level. I dare you to manifest the greatest circle you could possibly imagine!

Do This.

  1. Audit – What are you being exposed to? Do you need to add one person or a dozen people to your Winning Circle? Or perhaps you need to take one person or a dozen people out of your circle… Regardless of where you’re at, you need to be candid with where you’re starting. If you truly become the average of the five people you spend the most time with, do a gut check on whether or not you would be proud to be an amalgamation of those five people.
  2. Affirm – Affirm that you will no longer accept average. Affirm that you will no longer settle for good and that you will find a great community. Know that no matter your talent, no man is an island. Affirm that you will no longer fear being around great. That you will no longer be intimidated by being in circles of influence where you will be stretched, pushed, and forced to grow. Affirm that in your one and only life you will intentionally and deliberately change your circle of influence for the better.
  3. Act– Start today! Message John on LinkedIn. Download Shapr. Join a new group on Meetup. Cold email someone you look up to and ask for a meeting. There are countless ways to start developing your new Winning Circle. We’re stronger together as long as you’re deliberate that your new group embodies the Profile of a Champion and forces you to grow.

Till next time, stay on the offensive. Aggressively pursue a better version of yourself. And remember what Jim Rohn said, “you cannot change the destination of your life overnight, but you can change your direction.”

-J

Out.

john-connell-headshot-for-blog-e1500067629869.jpg

The Profile Of A Champion: Empowering Self-Image

I listened to one of George Zalucki’s audio programs when I was 18 and it changed my life. As an educator for sociology and psychology, he shared an experience of how our minds and our self-image are easily influenced by outside forces. He said that in education, if you take a sample of students and tell them that great things are expected from the, that they’re capable, they’re marvellous, then that group of students would perform that way. However, if you took a different group of students with the same basic IQ and told them that you were concerned about their learning capabilities, that there are indications they’re not going to cut it, then that group of students would deliver exactly what you suggested to them.

“Most people absolutely destroy themselves with their self-image.” – George Zalucki

I had an incredible epiphany in that moment! I realized that at a larger scale, that is you and I… I recognized that my entire self-image was formed in my youth. The thoughts that I have about myself today are a reflection of  my experiences, the influencers in my life, and what I’ve exposed my mind to in the past. George shares that more often than not, the self-image we develop is a negative one. It’s often shaped when a parent, or a teacher, or an older sibling tells us we can’t do something. You don’t have the talent. You’re not smart enough. You’re a boy. You’re a girl. You’re black. You’re a minority. You’re overweight. Or any other number of ridiculous reasons as to why what you’re working to accomplish is wrong.

That was true for me.  And that was true for my good friend Megan, too. I met Megan this year through my fellowship with Venture for Canada. I was blown away by Megan’s confidence! She’s one of the most transparent, authentic, and open minded people I’ve ever met.  Yet, candidly, I was surprised when I heard her story.

Knowing how paramount our youth is to building one’s self-image, I imagined Megan would be reserved and quiet. But that description couldn’t be further from the truth! This sparked my curiosity. Why was Megan able to face tremendous adversity and oppression, and still manage to see herself today with confidence, poise, and power? And how can others who’ve been through similar crisis’ of identity, who’ve been told they’re not good enough, and grew up believing they’re worthless and unlovable,  take responsibility for their self-image and thrive?

Fortunately, Megan was generous enough to share with me just that. We discussed that no matter where you start, everyone has the ability to build an empowering self-image and become the champion of their lives.

Megan VFC for blog

“Everyone goes through different struggles. And it’s those struggles that make up who you are. Until you own that about you, you can never reach self-confidence.” -Megan Heesaker

We live in a world obsessed with symmetry. And in that world of symmetry, Megan doesn’t match. Self-identified as cis-gendered and a lady-lover with masculine gender expression, our world has thrown it’s unfair share of oppression and adversity her way. When she was six years old, rocking her bowl cut, she was confronted in a restaurant bathroom by another girl. The girl demanded that she leave the bathroom immediately because she was obviously a boy in a female bathroom. To this girl, Megan didn’t match and wasn’t accepted. She represented many others who also believed that what Megan was doing wasn’t right, and she shouldn’t be herself. 

This is an incident that may seem inconsequential to some. Yet, at the tender age of six, at a time where our minds are open like a sponge, ready to accept any ideas that come our way, this example of oppression is significant. As George Zalucki demonstrated, Megan was in the midst of building her self-image. However, when she accepted these ideas as being true, she built a prison, not a paradise, to play in. Megan’s traumatic experience forced her to submit to social norms. She grew her hair, wore tighter shirts, and started to make the fact that she was a girl explicitly clear.

It wasn’t until sixteen years later, when she was twenty-two, that she finally once again accepted herself for who she truly is. Sixteen years! Sixteen years of living in a disempowering state. Of thinking that she didn’t belong. And of holding herself back from true self-expression. I’m writing this post because I was so inspired when I learned that it ONLY took sixteen years. Too many people will allow the experience they had when they were six, ten, fourteen or any age, shape their self-image for the rest of their lives. Those people never experience true self-confidence, never believe in themselves, and as a result will never live up to their full potential.

How We Shape Our Self-Image

Firstly, notice that I wrote, “how we shape our self-image” not, “how others shape our self-image.” You and I are responsible for shaping our self-image. Our thoughts about ourselves are based upon our belief system. And our belief system is based on the patterns of our minds, our definitions, and the interpretations of the events that happen to us. We develop these patterns and definitions by ascribing themes to those events and we make them mean something. No one else can make anything mean anything, except for us. As much as it’s easy to blame and make excuses, that little girl didn’t shape Megan’s self-image at six years old, she only influenced it. Megan was responsible for ascribing meaning to the event. As a result, her thoughts that she had about herself in that moment became habitual thoughts over time. Those habitual thoughts created her beliefs, which in turn formed her self-image.

I want you to see yourself in Megan’s example. Personally, I can see how I shaped a disempowering self-image image in my youth because of one or two main events. Can you see that for yourself? Can you identify the events that you mistakenly attributed the wrong meaning to? Take the time now to think about it. Because if you don’t, you won’t be able to attribute new meaning, forgive those people, and begin the process of developing an empowering self-image.

How We Can Reshape Our Self-Image

Why was Megan able to build back up her confidence when so many others will give up hope and live their entire lives in a box? How did she go from oppressed, to empowered? The answers are in the application of these two concepts, forgiving those who influenced your self-image and engaging in new activities.

Nobody had the right to do what they did or say what they said when they influenced your self-image. They had no authority or any right to do it to you. But, they didn’t create the meaning, we created the meaning! When we realize that, we’ll be able to forgive all those people who suggested we were limited in any way. Until you do that, you’ll be engaged in something that is incomplete and you’ll have a real challenge wiping your slate clean.

Megan described that by not accepting the event, and forgiving those who influenced your thoughts and beliefs, you’ll get caught up in a negative feedback loop. I know men and women in their fifty’s and sixty’s, that to this day, continue to play the toxic tapes of their youth over and over again! They never forgave themselves, and they never forgave those who participated in the event. For decades, these people have been stuck in their disempowering beliefs. Don’t let that be you. Forgive and move on to engaging in new activities.

Once you’ve forgiven, you can now spend your mental energy focusing on what’s right about you and who you want to be. Get a vision of where you’re headed and stay focused on the person you can become. When you do that, you’ll start to get engaged in new activities. This is the real substance of changing your self-image. 

In order to build an empowering self-image, you must be willing to get out of your comfort zone. Which incidentally, if we truly knew what a comfort zone was, we’d be all to eager to jump out! The comfort zone is so inconsistent with our capabilities as a human being. Our true nature is to achieve, to excel, to stretch, and to reach! This is exactly what Megan did and what I want to challenge you to do.

In the summer of 2013, Megan cut her hair. Up to this point she had built her entire self-image around fitting in, looking like someone else, and submitting to social norms. This action (a new activity), changed her life. She felt more like herself than ever before. And was reminded of that spunky and confident kid she used to be. Her story inspired me with this truth that I now want to share with you,

“It takes time to figure out who you are. But I think it takes even more time to be comfortable with who you are.” – Megan Heesaker

If you focus on a new event, possibility or activity, your old disempowering self-image will sort of dissipate in the process. When you engage in new activities you’ve now extended your domain of possibilities in direct proportion to your willingness to venture out!

I want you to notice how you feel inside when you read about your comfort zone. Do you feel excited to jump out? Or, do you feel anxious, scared, or straight up disgusted by me for even bringing it up? If you’re feeling the latter, it’s OK. Know that I, and most of the world, feels the same way. Getting out of our comfort zone scares us! That’s why I want to encourage you to find the right support network. Often, before we can empower ourselves, we need to find others who will empower us, first. That’s what I did, what Megan did, and what I recommend to you.

“Support is critical when you’re in the midst of a crisis and especially when you’re ready to emerge from one.” – Megan Heesaker

Instead of pushing people away when you’re shaping your new and empowering self-image, Megan encourages folks to bring people in. Finding a community that will support you (your “Winning Circle” also my next post 😉 ), whether that’s friends, family or other, is critical in getting started and progressing longterm in your new activities.

You’ve now set yourself up for a phenomena. You can now become successful in some new things you’re trying. That is how you restructure your self-image! Self-image is based upon what you believe and you cannot lie on top of a fundamental belief. So if we believe ourselves incapable because of our past events, then who we are is incapable, until I have some new experiences I can succeed at. Then I can have some new input and some new data to help me form new beliefs.

Finally, when you’re in the process of building new beliefs, and you catch yourself thinking your new self is beyond your reach, remember Megan’s story! Today, I’d describe Megan as raw. Completely authentic. With all pretense stripped away, her confidence allows her to deeply connect with others. She’s vulnerable, which allows you to be vulnerable. She’s doesn’t need to moderate her behaviour, which allows you to be yourself. But it was only through developing an empowering self-image that Megan was able to experiencing this state of full self-expression. And it’s only through full self-expression that Megan is able to continuously touch the lives of those lucky enough to know her.

If Megan can do it, you can too!

Do This. 

An empowering self-image is fundamental to giving the champion enough confidence to solve big challenges. Without it, you’ll never have the belief in yourself to persist past obstacles or even give yourself the space to try.

  1. Identify the 1-3 events and people from your youth that influenced your self-image. Write it out. Understand that you gave those events meaning and take full responsibility for your beliefs about yourself. Now, forgive those people and prepare to move on.
  2. Get an accountability buddy, buddies, or whole community! There’s no better feeling than knowing someone’s got your back. They will get you started, keep you going, and cheer you on as you make progress on your new activities.
  3. Get engaged in new activities! If you have a disempowering self-image be like Megan, decide today what new hobby you’ll practice, or skill you’ll learn. Will you become successful at guitar, Spanish, salsa? The possibilities are endless! Decide today and take the first step right now towards building your new and improved empowering self-image.

Till next time, stay on the offensive. Aggressively pursue a better version of yourself. And what remember what Jim Rohn said, “you cannot change the destination of your life overnight, but you can change your direction.”

-J

Out. 

The Profile Of A Champion: Doing More Than Expected

One of the most important rules of personal economics I ever learned was from Jim Rohn. Jim’s unique philosophy is this,

“we get paid for bringing value to the marketplace. It takes time to bring value marketplace, but we get paid for the value, not the time.”

My whole life I learned about hourly wages. About punching a clock and getting paid x dollars for the time I put in. I quickly learned that thinking was wrong. Jim challenged me and in this post I want to do the same for you.

Why is it that one person can make only $20 an hour, when another person can make $100 an hour? Why is it that with the same background, the same ethnicity, living in the same country and with everything the same, one person can make two times, three times or five times the money that someone else makes? The answer, value. Value makes the difference in economic results. And when I observe the champions of our world, they’re focused on providing more value than their being paid for. They go above and beyond their peers through work ethic, thoughtfulness and generosity. They do more than is expected. 

At Venture for Canada training camp I met a lot of champions. One in particular, caught my eye quite literally. Camp was a casual setting with most people dressed relaxed. We wore jeans, t-shirts and sneakers. Ryan however, was always dressed professionally. He wore a clean button down with dress pants and shoes. He was sharp, respectful, and walked with an air of confidence. He immediately stood out as someone who respected himself and how he was perceived by others. I knew I wanted to get to know him.

Ryan Cobb headshot

As I got to know Ryan better, I quickly understood that dressing professionally was only one of many ways he did more than expected. From being the first member of his family to go to University, all the way to running for Fredericton City Council in a municipal election, Ryan consistently goes above and beyond what is expected. Born and raised in Riverview New Brunswick, Ryan’s first exposure to the profile of a champion was through his father. Owner of a local funeral home, Ryan’s father instilled in him the importance of giving time, energy and respect to others no matter their background.

Clearly those early lessons paid off. Today, Ryan’s willingness to do more than expected has shown up in his value to the marketplace.

In my opinion there are three reasons to do more than expected.

Your Example Empowers Others

In both his social and professional life, Ryan has become a servant leader. He believes the first responsibility he has as a leader is to those surrounding him. Anyone reading this that aspires towards getting promoted, making more money, and feeling more joy and fulfillment can benefit from embodying this thought,

You can be a champion in your own life, but you can always be a champion in someone else’s life.” – Ryan Cobb

It wasn’t until Ryan became a servant leader that his true value was realized. In his second year of University, he decided to become a residence assistant. An RA is tasked to facilitate the social, academic, and personal adjustments of first year students coming into University. A role that already presented a myriad of responsibilities, Ryan became a pillar for his students to lean on. He took it upon himself to be the best role model possible.

Ryan intentionally dressed sharp. Was always smiling. Was respectful with every student. He Showed up early for class. And was cheerful and enthusiastic everyday. He believes that no matter the personable stresses and troubles we’re dealing with, we can always choose to have the right mindset. Ryan shared a story with me about a young man in his first year who was skipping classes and had a poor attitude. After a few months of watching Ryan’s example, greeting people in the halls, attending every class, and being excited about his time as a student, the young man approached him. He said, he had been skipping class all semester. But after seeing Ryan’s example, hadn’t missed a class since the Christmas holidays a few months before.

What type of example are you setting for the people around you?

Are you giving your best self today?

Do you showing up with a contagious enthusiasm that will empower others to feel the same way? 

The champion does. The champion leads from the front. They set the tone. They’re always willing to sacrifice whats easy for whats right. The champion does not forget the “small things” like thanking those around them, working for others, and always lending a hand. They know there’s great impact in the small things.

You Will Be Valued

If you want to quickly add more value (making you more money), get promoted into a leadership role. Leaders with the habit of doing more than expected virtually always cultivate the most respect, admiration, and work ethic from their teams.

Completely unqualified, Ryan told me about his job working for a truck driving company. Put in charge of a team of twenty truck drivers double his age, most people would expect to be discounted for being young and inexperienced. Not Ryan. His habit of doing more than expected meant that he took time and energy to get to know each and every driver personally. He had empathy for them. He knew how hard it must have been for them to put in ridiculous hours on the road. To live in their trucks and be away from their family for weeks.

“If you want to be valued, value other people first” – Ryan Cobb

The personal relationships that he built payed huge dividends. It meant that his team felt comfortable with his leadership. They were able to have difficult conversations. And ultimately, when Ryan left the company, eight of the drivers came into the office to wish him well on his next journey. Completely unheard of in that line of work.

Do you want to be truly valuable to your company? To your family? To your friends? 

Than take heed on Ryan’s advice as I am, value others more than expected. The champion gives people they care about their time, energy, and patience. At the end of the day you will be valued and respected.

You’ll Begin To Think Big

Just like a young child, the champion is a big thinker. They believe in possibilities for themselves and society most people can’t imagine.But, if you’re not a big thinker today, it’s okay. Neither was Ryan.

Ryan shared that he didn’t always do more than expected. He didn’t always believe in himself. As he was growing up, he learned to be afraid of being wrong. That fear crippled his thinking.

He had thought for a long time about running for the Municipal Government. Yet, like most people, he was afraid of what people would think of him. Afraid of embarrassing himself. Afraid of rejection and a potential loss that would crush his confidence. He wasn’t thinking big. He was focused on the obstacles instead of the possibilities. 

I asked Ryan what had changed. Why did he finally decide to run for office, despite the feelings he had recently experienced? Here’s what Ryan said,

The accumulation of my experiences from my Undergraduate degree, being an RA, living alone, and managing many teams made me realize that I’d be better off losing, than living with the regret of never trying.”

All of Ryan’s experiences of doing more than expected lead to a clear boost in his confidence. When you empower others, you empower yourself. When you value others, you value yourself. As Ryan developed as a leader, he built the belief necessary to think big. Without big thoughts, you will never be willing to venture out, take action and execute on your ideas. 

I know that Ryan has an incredible future ahead of him. He’s demonstrated the willingness to be and do more than expected. He’s dedicated to adding value to his peers, community, and his companies. I know without a shadow of a doubt, this young man is a champion.

Do This. 

The purpose of this series is to help you recognize some of the traits necessary to become a champion. It’s important to remember that each trait of the champion is a learnable skill. As an example, right now I’m focused on doing more than expected by being hyper diligent with my follow up with people. I’m adding new people I meet on LinkedIn. I’m sending them an email. I’m thanking them for the opportunity to connect. I’m asking them if there’s anything I can do to help them. And I’m going out of my way to make sure that I add more value in the relationship than I’m taking in return.

Ask yourself what one area of your life can you do more than expected. Is it in your homework? Is it taking out the garbage for your partner? Is it by dressing sharply by Ryan? What’s it going to be?

Choose right now what one thing you will do to add more value to your peers, community, and company that you weren’t doing prior to reading this. Even the slightest shift in value, can give you tremendous upside in return. 

Till next time, stay on the offensive. Aggressively pursue a better version of yourself. And remember what Jim Rohn said, “You cannot change the destination of your life overnight, but you can change the direction”.

– J

Out. 

 

The Profile Of A Champion: Burning Desire

When you study people who are up to something, the first attitude necessary before anything is achieved is desire.

But, if that’s all it took, we’d have a whole lot more successful people in this world. Most people live with an illusion that they have a desire to achieve something. These people talk a big game, but their actions never reflect their word.

They say they want to make extra money, but instead of starting their part time business, they watch Netflix every night.

They say they want to get better grades, but instead of studying in the library, they go out for lunch everyday.

They say they want to lose ten pounds, but instead of working out in the gym, they’ve got Cheetos dust on their fingers.

I observe this false illusion of desire everyday. And I can quickly recognize it because I was once in those same shoes. So the question is, how is desire held for the champion vs those that are runner up?

Desire for the champion is an imperative of purpose. Their vision, their purpose, their goal is larger than you and I as individuals. From afar, I had observed this level of desire time and time again through the examples of athletes and business leaders. Yet, I had never seen it so pronounced until I spent two full weeks with the top Canadian graduates at Venture for Canada.

I remember on one of the first weekends of training camp we kayaked, canoed, and paddle boarded on lake Ontario. The sun was shinning, our skin slowly burning, and everyone was smiling looking forward to the day on the water. Other than myself, one of the only other people paddle boarding was a new friend I had made, Tyler Sellars. We had made small talk previous to the day on the water, but we had never really connected about what brought us to Venture for Canada and what our future plans were. In only thirty minutes, it was clear to me that Tyler obviously embodied the first attitude of the champion, desire.

Tyler Sellar Pic for blog

Born in Moncton New Brunswick, Tyler grew up in a family who built their careers in the financial industry. He told me about how privileged he was growing up. At a young age, he understood the opportunities that having money could provide for him and his family. Being accustomed to this life of prosperity, he was unprepared for what happened next.

In 2008, at fourteen years old, his entire family’s lives were flipped upside down by the greatest financial crisis since the depression. In less than a year they went from comfortable living, to working pay-check to pay-check. With all the same bills to pay, no one was hiring his dad. They lived for years with little income. Becoming increasingly more difficult to pay for their competitive soccer fees anymore, Tyler remembers standing outside local businesses begging for money to keep him on the field.

Imagine how disempowering that would feel.

The contrast between rich and poor weighed so heavily on him that it drove him to make a decision. 

Tyler shared with me that he made a decision that he would never live like that again. He made a decision that he would take ownership of his income, his freedom, and his life.

In those decisions, Tyler developed the first attitude of the profile of the champion, a burning desire. Following are the three reasons why we all need to cultivate a burning desire to achieve, and how to go about doing it.

1. Without desire there is no work ethic

I now understand why most people don’t have a burning desire. Most people’s goals are logical. For example people say , “Oh, if I could only scrape together enough money to pay my lousy bills.” If you’re only inspired to meet your needs, you’ll never cultivate the desire that will compel you to do great things. Needs are logical, but logical things don’t compel us to reach beyond our comfortable grasp. They won’t have you up early and working hard late into the night. Tyler on the other hand, set goals for complete financial freedom. He never wanted himself or his future family to ever experience what he went through. His goals were emotional, and they were lofty.

With those goals, in 2010, Tyler started his first business. He was going to school, playing competitive soccer like it was his full time job, and still making the time to build one of the early e-commerce drop -shipping businesses. At the end of a long day while most people would make an excuse as to why they were tired, or deserved to relax and watch TV, Tyler’s desire pushed him into action. He developed relationships with Japanese clothing manufacturers and sold both soccer equipment and men’s fashion. Around an already exhausting schedule, Tyler worked his ass off building a  profitable company.

The vast majority of us need an immediate gut check when it comes to our work ethic. Ask yourself, are you matching your work ethic with your level ambition? If not, why not? For most, it’s because they’ve yet to cultivate the level of desire of the champion.

2. Without desire there is no persistence

Achieving lofty goals is hard. Creating something from nothing is difficult. Do you think what you want is going to be easy to accomplish? Far more often than not, our goals will require more energy, more time and more money than expected.

The path you will travel down requires a desire that is nothing other than white hot. It’s about getting to a place in your life where you say this is it! Anything less than that, is tentative. And anytime you’re tentative, there is no power. Tyler on the other hand, surrendered to his purpose.

When eBay learned that he was selling on their platform underage, he was on the brink of being shutdown or forced to pay hefty fees for each transaction. Either way, the business was going to take a big hit. Like with any great achievement, he was confronted with a lot of problems. However, Tyler wasn’t engaged with his obstacles the same way as most. By surrendering to his purpose of providing financial security for his future, he was able to use his mind for him and not against him. Instead of quitting business forever, he looked for other avenues where he could make money. Tyler went on to create three more businesses over the next three years. Each business came with it’s opportunities as well as it’s own unique set of challenges. But because of Tyler’s burning desire, his perseverance lead to many new skills, profitability, and thicker skin.

“The reason success alludes so many people is that the road to our alter of riches is laden with obstacles.”

When you’re on the path to accomplish your goals, do you find yourself starting and stopping frequently? When there’s a roadblock, a challenge, or your goal required more resources than you expected, do you persist despite the obstacles? Or do you fold like a cheap suit? If you fold, check your desire. If it’s hot enough, you will persist past all obstacles on your road to riches.

3. Without desire you cannot prioritize

This week I’ve been asked to attend two different networking events, three coffee meetings, a speaking event and to go out for drinks and a trivia night. If you think about your schedule, I’m sure your time has been elicited just as much if not more! If you don’t have desire, a clear purpose, or a goal that moves you, when people ask for your time, you won’t have the gut to tell people no. Warren Buffet is famous for saying,

“the difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

The ability to prioritize is necessary in order to accomplish your goals. If you’re constantly being pulled in different directions, you’ll never direct enough energy into one thing to accomplish it. In order to build his businesses, Tyler needed a ridiculous work ethic, he needed to persist past his obstacles, but he also needed to say no to a lot of other things. There was so much power in his declaration to provide financial abundance for his future he was able to say no to leisure and yes to his goals. His desire had him in alignment with what was important. His desire kept him focused and in the end, his prioritization paid huge dividends in the success of the business.

What are you saying yes to? Are the activities your investing your time in going to get your closer to accomplishing your greatest desires? Or are you like Tyler and I, where you need to remember to say no to others, in order to say yes to yourself?

Do This. 

Now that we understand why the champion has a burning desire, we can start to cultivate it in our own lives. Here are 2 things to remember about building desire.

  1. Desire is triggered– It often waits and sleeps until you wake it. For Tyler, it was his family’s finances. But for you, maybe it’s a book, or a song, or a seminar, a conversation with a friend, a happening or an event. Who knows which one will turn it all on! What I do know is that you need to welcome every human experience. Sometimes from the most negative experiences comes the greatest awakening.
  2. Desire can be selfish- Never feel ashamed about your motivations as long as it works for you. If you’re not hurting anyone, and your desire fires you up, use it! Just because your neighbour is excited about ending cancer doesn’t mean that your desire to stick it to your brother isn’t a good one. Whatever gets you angry enough, excited enough, passionate enough, or determined enough to start working hard and persist through your obstacles, is a worthwhile desire and you need to take full advantage of how it makes you feel.

A burning desire is the first attitude of the champion for a reason. Without it, you won’t work hard enough. You won’t persist long enough. And you won’t be willing to say no to others when it comes down to focusing on your own goals. If you want the respect, mastery, and character that comes with being a champion, cultivate your desire and never let that fire extinguish. 

Till next time, stay on the offensive. Aggressively pursue a better version of yourself. And remember what Jim Rohn said, “you cannot change the destination of your life overnight, but you can change your direction.”

-J

Out.

The Profile Of A Champion

When you think of Lebron James, one of the greatest athletes of all time, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?

What about the global icon, Oprah Winfrey?

What about one of the worlds most influential people, Barrack Obama?

Or, one of the most celebrated individuals to have ever lived, Muhammad Ali?

Profile of a champion Collage

All four of these legends are considered leaders, changemakers, visionaries, and linchpins. When I think of them, the first word that comes to my mind is “champion”. 

And over the past few weeks I’ve been spending a lot of time contemplating what goes into the character of a champion. What do they have that I’m missing? What do they believe that most people don’t believe? How do they think about their goals, their lives, and the world that we tend to look past?

Naturally I started to create a vision of how I could get around these types of people. Thinking if only I was close to them, they would rub off on me and I could choose the qualities I felt I was missing and apply them into my own life. But, I ran into a friend last week that completely shifted my thinking.

Happie, one of our most valued members at Toastmasters, asked me to meet up late at night before he left for his trip across Canada. He needed to leave the supplies bag for our group and I was happy to pick it up for the next meeting. We met, and he started bombarding me with questions! I had just spend the last two weeks at an entrepreneurial training camp (VFC), designed to prepare some of the top graduates across Canada to work in innovative, high growth startups. When I told him that out of over 2000 applicants and an acceptance of only sixty, he wanted to know what we did, who I met, and what I learned.

At this point, I didn’t have that much of an opportunity to reflect on the experience. Thinking fast I told him it was incredible. I learned about sales and marketing, conflict management and negotiation, and how to be an asset to my startup employer. I also recognized that there were about fifty graduates there. Each of them were enthusiastic, and intelligent and hard working and an inspiration to me. It finally hit me, they were all there for a reason, they were there because they’re all champions. 

VFC outdoor group pic
2017 Cohort of Venture for Canada

Clearly, we’re not yet at the status of Lebron James, Oprah Winfrey, Barrack Obama, or Muhammad Ali. But, I know deep down in my gut that this group has the potential to change the world. I’m only now realizing what a privilege it was for me to be with that group. VFC training camp has been unquestionably the most impactful experience I’ve had over the last twelve months. All of which I credit to the quality of character, of the staff and fellows I was learning and growing from. This group is an example for youth, for young adults, and for Canada, of what it takes to one day become world class.

It turns out, I’ve been missing what was in front of my eyes the whole time. We don’t need to seek out Lebron James to have a chance to achieve at that level. All we need to do is get good at identifying what qualities of character make the leaders around us so powerful. In one of my first posts I described a philosophy I embody daily called “be like Frankenstein”. Being like Frankenstein means stealing qualities you admire in others and blending them into your own life. Mimic those characteristics, mimic the profile of a champion, and in due time through years of repetition we’ll become who we want to become and make our small dent on this universe. 

Do This.

Over the next half a dozen posts I’ll be sharing what I’ve identified as the profile of a champion. Before that, I want to challenge you to make your own list. In your opinion, based on what you’ve observed from the leaders and champions in your life, what are the five to ten characteristics that go into your unique profile of a champion? Leave a comment below and we’ll see how ours match up!

Till next time, stay on the offensive. Aggressively pursue a better version of yourself. And remember what Jim Rohn said, “You cannot change the destination of your life overnight, but you can change your direction.”

-J

Out.

The Most Important Relationship In Your Life

“Integrity is the most valuable and respected quality of leadership. Always keep your word.” – Brian Tracy 

Everyday before I fell asleep my Dad would ask me whether or not I was going to school the next day. Now… I wasn’t nine years old, it was 2011 and I was sixteen. He needed to ask me because at the time I was missing more school than I was attending. At the time, I was virtually always sleepy, I felt heavy and a constant cloud of negativity was weighing me down. My depression not only made me feel weak and that life had no meaning, it destroyed the most important relationship I had in my life.

Every night my Dad would ask me if I was going to school the next day. Every night I said yes. Every morning, however, was a different story. Every morning, I fought and I struggled with my Dad. Nine times out of ten, I won. I got back in bed and slept till twelve or one o’clock. What I didn’t realize at the time, was that those wins, were some of the most devastating losses of my formative years.

Amid all of that struggle, I was picking up the pieces of the most important relationship in my life: the relationship with my word. Meaning, I said, but I didn’t do. I said I was getting out of bed in the morning, but my actions told a different story.

Can you remember a time you didn’t keep your word?  

Maybe it was this morning…

Did you tell yourself you were going to get out of bed at a certain time, but hit snooze and fell back asleep?

Did you tell yourself you were going to eat a healthy breakfast, but instead you stopped for fast food because it was more convenient?

Did you tell yourself you were going to go to the gym today, but felt too tired and said, “I’ll just go tomorrow?”

What about that book you said you were going to write? Or that homework you said you were going to start? Or that book you wanted to read? When you said you were going to be there at 5pm, but you showed up at 5:15pm?

How many times do we commit our word to something and lack the integrity to follow through? For most, including myself, it’s every single day. My example at sixteen years old is only a reflection of an entire cultural and societal lack of integrity. As Stephen Covey points out,

“honesty is making your words conform to reality. Integrity is making reality conform  to your words.”

Your word creates your world. Here’s what happens when you don’t keep your word.

You Lose Confidence In Yourself

If you consistently break your word, you will consistently feel less and less confident about your ability to achieve.

Every time you set a goal and miss the mark, you lose certainty in yourself.

Every time you make a promise and break it, you lose your personal power.

If you’re like me at sixteen, you currently have this formula twisted. I was speaking to a friend I met recently named Gillian, most would admire her for her accomplishments as a top graduate across the entire Country, yet, she confided in me a lack of confidence in herself. She believed that her lack of confidence was the reason she wasn’t her commitments. A lack of confidence was holding her back from accomplishing her goals and doing what she said she would do. Like Gillian, most people need to reverse that equation. And like Gillian, most people have limitless potential for growth if they just focused on their word first.

I strongly believe that authentic confidence comes as a by product from a powerful relationship with your word. Start there, confidence will follow.

Others Lose Confidence In You

When you break your promise with your friend, family, colleague, or partner you’re telling them that you don’t value them.

A broken promise demonstrates you’re unreliable.

That lack of integrity will consciously or unconsciously cause the people in your life to lose confidence in you.

Most of the promises we make on a daily basis are small commitments. We may promise to meet at a certain time, finish our homework, or pay a bill. But, it’s critical we don’t underestimate the importance of those little commitments. Every time we’re ten minutes late, or miss that deadlines by a few hours, we slowly lose peoples confidence overtime. If we can’t handle the little disciplines in life, like being on time, how will we ever be prepared for the big ones? How will we ever be trusted with that big project that could change our lives? How could we ever be chosen over a peer who is known as being reliable and dependant?

It can take your entire life to build a reputation and one broken promise to destroy it all. 

Do this.

I credit these four steps for the development of an extremely powerful relationship with my word. I challenge you to tackle them today!

  1. Schedule It– If it’s not in my calendar, it’s not happening. Whether you want to carry a written day planner or use Google calendar, start carving time out of your week for the commitments you promised to yourself and others.
  2. Focus On Small Wins- When I was progressing from my depression I didn’t set goals to make a million dollars. I set small goals that would help me get quick wins and build momentum. After getting into the gym  three days a week, I pushed for four. Once I had four days easily, I transitioned to five. By this time I had already built up a stronger relationship with my word and more confidence. That confidence spread into every facet of my life.
  3. Be AccountableOne of my favourite topics to write and teach about is the power of accountability. It will force you into action immediately and help you keep your commitments.
  4. Say No– It’s possible you’re over committing. But, more likely, you’re committing to times, people and projects that aren’t a priority. Pick your direction and only say yes to the opportunities that align with that path.

I’m confident if you follow those four steps your word will once again have power. Schedule some small wins today and feel free to connect about any challenges we can tackle together along the way. 

Till next time, stay on the offensive. Aggressively pursue a better version of yourself. And remember what Jim Rohn said, “You cannot change the destination of your life overnight, but you can change your direction.”

-J

Out. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Default Mode: AGGRESSIVE

Red faced. Short breathed. Hot-tempered. 

Yosmity short tempered

If those are the images you get when you see the word aggressive, I’d like to challenge your thinking. When I think of being aggressive in my own life I think about taking action. I think of the words attack, offence and industry. Being aggressive is the counter to how most people live their lives. If you want to stand out, build confidence and crush depression or anxiety,  do the opposite of the masses, make your default mode AGGRESSIVE.

Last week I met a group of new friends out in Kingston at Venture for Canada training camp. I knew I made the right first impression when Shannon, a Social Anthropology Major, asked me if I had always been so intense. I knew immediately that I hadn’t. I knew that for years I was defensive and passive and as a result, timid, lacking in self confidence and depressed. Her question reminded me immediately of one of my favourite quotes by Montaigne,

“My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.”

Can you relate?

When I was depressed and defensive, I was always in my head. I always pictured the worst thing that could happen. I never took action on any of my ideas or inspiration. I would postpone doing things until I proved to myself I shouldn’t or couldn’t or until it was too late to even try. I learned first hand that being default defensive is the most disempowering state you can live in. When Shannon asked me that question, “have you always been so intense?” I felt tremendous pride and burning desire to share with you how to be aggressive and get the action habit. 

Aggressive VS Defensive

Successful people are aggressive. They’re on the offence. Virtually all unsuccessful people are defensive. They’re passive. Mr. Aggressive is a doer. He takes action, gets things done, follows through on ideas and plans. Mr Defensive is a “don’ter“. Like me at 16, he waits, contemplates, postpones action until he has 100% of the information he needs.

The difference shows up in little ways. Mr Aggressive plans a vacation. He takes it. Mr. Defensive plans a vacation. But, he postpones it until “next” year. Mr Aggressive decides he needs to take his health seriously. He hires a trainer and starts meal prepping. Mr Defensive decides he needs to take his health seriously. But, this weekend is his Uncle Bobs birthday party. He chooses to wait until Monday and than proceeds to never get started. Mr Aggressive read that he should pay himself 10% of his income before spending anything on expenses. He calls the bank and sets up an automatic withdrawal where 10% of his income goes directly into his investment account. Under the same circumstances, Mr Defensive finds a good reason to put of calling the bank and the withdrawal is never set up.

The difference shows up in big things too. Mr Aggressive wants to go into business for himself. He does. Mr Defensive also wants to go into business for himself, but he discovers just in time a “good” reasons as to why he better not. Mr Aggressive knows he deserves a raise. He asks for it. Mr. Defensive also knows he deserves a raise, but after imagining all the worst case scenarios of brining it up with his boss he does not.

The differences in these examples are profound and they happen everyday. Think about two people you know that embody these two opposite personalities. 

Everyday the Mr or Ms Aggressive in your life is getting the things they want done, done. As a by-product, they’re gaining confidence, a feeling of inner security, self-reliance, and more income. On the flip side, everyday the Ms or Mr Defensive in your life is not getting the things they want done, done. As a by-product of not acting, they’re losing confidence in themselves, destroying their self-reliance, and are living in mediocrity.

As you reflect on those people in your life, take an inventory of your own personality. Are you in a natural state of being aggressive, doing, and taking action? Or, are you normally defensive, passive, and waiting for the perfect moment to act? If you relate more to the latter, write down this quote by Chazz Palminteri,

“The saddest thing in life is wasted talent and the choices you make will shape you forever.”

I’m writing a book right now titled, “Squandering Talent”. It’s a reminder to myself as well as a warning to others on how to prevent wasting your innate potential. Talent itself is not enough! Talent is only valuable when it is cultivated, expressed, and aggressively acted upon. Allow future regret, of wasting your talent by being defensive, drive you.

Someone once said that the saddest words of tongue or pen are these: it might have been or I should have. 

Avoid regret by being aggressive. Being aggressive is as simple as getting the action habit. With all circumstances the same, the only advantage Mr Aggressive has over Mr Defensive is that he takes action now. Now is the magic word of success. Tomorrow, next week, later, sometime, someday, are all more often than not simply synonyms for the failure word, never.

Do This. 

We should make new years resolutions if we’re reading this post on January 1st. But, if we’re reading this on June 22nd, than we should make June 22nd resolutions. Waiting for the calendar to flip for us to start making our life better is ridiculous. Whenever you’re reading this, resolve to do better today.

Resolve to stop thinking about it. Stop dreaming about it. Stop researching every aspect of it. Stop debating all the pros and cons of it. Be aggressive and just start doing it. 

Till next time, stay on the offensive. Aggressively pursue a better version of yourself. And remember what Jim Rohn said, “You cannot change the destination of your life overnight, but you can change your direction.”.

-J

Out.